Moving Forward with Conscious Focus For Your Success by Calvin Harris H.W., M.

Thumbs up to those of you moving forward with a Focus to the changes you are consciously making for Success.  ·

There is always going to be something that will try and keep you from going all-in on your unique take of how to do life and business.

Complications come from - Somatic brain and body things; Relationship things; Business issue things; Family things, and  Spiritual things.

Why do we make the choices we do? It’s a question worth asking because it ultimately determines whether or not we are living the life we choose for ourselves, or we are involved with wasted opportunity.

The true nature of  growth is to be conscious, as much as possible, to your choices. It is interesting to me to hear that Dr. Joe Dispenza,  a noted educator, researcher, author, and international lecturer says that by the time we are 35 years old, 95% of all our thinking is routine and unconscious. 95% of our life is conditioning and machine-like behavior! That leaves only 5% that qualifies us for being the free human beings we pride ourselves  on being.

When you do something unconsciously, we cannot call that choice.  And yes, we know that when it happens,  we can catch a glimpse of it by focusing on our choices and their outcomes. Especially if that outcome, which we experience, is the same one each time, because of unconscious repeated habits applied to situations that bring about outcomes we would prefer not to have happened, yet somehow we are expecting a different outcome.  A different outcome is not going to happen when using unconscious thinking and its emotional output.  We’re left to accept whatever comes our way. It leaves us with no choice but to try to get comfortable in whatever designated little box we have decided to put ourselves in,  telling ourselves that that’s just the way life is, even if we have to go numb to adjust to the situation, and we do that.

I Offer The Alternative:

That you are not stuck.

You are just committed to certain patterns of behavior because they helped you in the past.

Those unconscious behaviors have become what is defeating you in your effort forward. And these are the reasons you are not moving forward.

You must understand that if you want to work, live, and play at a different level, that to do that you must consciously level up - change your mind about the way you go about things and how you view them. Change your view and you change how the world is viewed.

So, you can either settle in and accept it - or you can finally exercise the Conscious  freedom you hold in such high regard. Freedom, however, requires consciousness. You owe yourself a journey of self-discovery. In order to be free, you must become aware of who you are - your tastes, your desires, your personal standards, your values. You must know what you stand for or you'll fall for anything that comes your way - and there's so much that wants to pull your attention these days. That's why you must be focused on what your ideal life is pointing to. Once you choose to be conscious in this fashion, you’ll discover a curious thing: You are in accord with your life path all along. You didn't have to figure it out. You didn’t have to be invented, you only had to be conscious to discover its clues. Who you are was already there and what those urging where and why you want the things you want.

I’ll be dropping some coaching events and opportunities for you to consider into the blogs soon.

Aloha

Keep Consciously Moving

Calvin

Time For The Half Time Huddle by Calvin Harris H. W., M.

Aloha, Calvin here,

This past January of 2022, like every 365 days of the Gregorian calendar, I have reset and begun goals,  projects, and directions for the coming year, as I have done every January.  

Yet what I don’t always get around to doing, but I am more focused on of late,  is the mid-point of the year, which is in the month of July.  Around the 182nd  day of the year is the time I Look Back,  to slow myself down,  maybe even to stop, to recalibrate and gauge where I am, look around at my goals, projects, and directions, to see what has changed or is in a different form than when the year began? 

Athlete Ezekiel Elliott Photographed by Kwaku Alston

I need to take a breath, to look around my world, maybe even recline with some personal reflections. Is my end game still in sight, or has the goal line been moved,  or been tackled by unforeseen forces; what other maneuvers could be slowing me down or stopping me from reaching my end goal  before the clock runs down.

I might want to look at those additional projects that I’ve taken on, or re-examine my response to the positions of responsibility that I find myself in.

This mid-year huddle allows me to regroup, redirect and recenter myself as a scrum for my game plays ahead.

What is needed is the huddle before the scrum, which is the time of assessment and focus.  Thus, I’ve come up with a reevaluation of work and play habits, a retooling of  knowledge, skills and techniques that will enable me to move with a more efficient effective flow for my days and weeks ahead.

I still feel, if only rarely, guilty about taking a midyear huddle.  Something feels like a twinge, when I begin the slow down or mid- year stop. This feeling is brought on by what seems to be less work getting done, as the shift in routine occurs. It can feel as if  I’ve taken my eyes off the ball, thus I must not be working hard enough, even though research and re-evaluation is arduous in itself. This slowdown may seem to be  jeopardizing the goal.

I bring this up, for this is a state of awareness  you may need to be aware of; some call it a state of workaholism. This means the purpose of  why you are doing what you are doing, is lost for the sake of just doing. You need to be aware of the drivers of this state of mind; The illusion of being busy, or for  Praise,  Status, Money (aka your Beast).  What follows then is the Guilt when you are not continually feeding the beasts. The beasts can have a way of taking over your life, when there is no reflection, evaluation and course corrections.  When there is no change of view or alignment, then life is lived out of  balance.

It is a curse of some over-achievers, when they are feeling guilt and shame, because every day they aren’t just killing it – working to smash career goals or earning money.

I have had to look at that reaction within myself to see where that comes from, to reconcile myself to a more focused and balanced practice, rather than trying to keep things in perpetual motion. Through strategic thinking,  I’ve come to conclude that maintaining a Life/Health Balance takes a different focus.

Ask yourself — “Do I feel anxious or guilty when I am not working 12 hour days (being in motion) towards what I think are the job goals?

If your answer is “yes” multiple times in multiple situations, then it’s an early warning sign.

The unexpected breakthrough and release from this dilemma can be through time  spent in reflection of what is the motivation  of  your true goals and desires.  Maybe a  shift in consciousness and vernacular is what is needed. Can what you are doing under the word “work”, be changed to the word “play”? 

Stock photo soccer teammates

What are the things that happen when you play?  Can you  immerse your awareness in a shift from considering “work” only to a  “work/play”  balance. This allows for laughter, friends, fun, and humor.

Review the situations to make them fun in their discovery.

 You may want to try adding the words Play and Fun to your  vocabulary and daily use. Be warned,  the first few times you do it, because you haven’t scheduled it before, could mean you feel guilt or shame because you are not working.

In time, this  obsession will subside because of the new concepts you will come up with about “Play.” It could  become the antidote  for  burnout and anxiety.

You may create a new Vocabulary with  “play” at the center of it.  This allows you to stop taking life so seriously. You may even  announce that your work-colleagues or your friends, are now referred to as your “playmates to success”.

Each of us is responsible for our own life, the expectations we give ourselves and justifications for our workload. It’s our duty that we evaluate, conclude, and move toward an alignment with our authentic self.

The basic idea is that your success and what you want out of your job and career will change over time in direct proportion to your  alignment with truth, and the humor that happens along the way to discovering your authentic self.

I like the words of Christian Morgenstern when he said — “Humor is the contemplation of the finite from the point of view of the infinite.”

See you on the playground

Calvin

Masculinity Lived As A Positive Lifestyle by Calvin Harris, H. W., M.

This article is inspired by the thought of New Year’s Resolutions and a blog heading I saw that read - “A Gentlemen’s Guide to Being a Man in the 21st Century.”

New Year’s Resolution? A Gentlemen’s Guide?? Some would say two dubious concepts at best, did you know that only 8% of people who make New Year's resolutions actually succeed in achieving them? Given the small percentage of resolutions accomplished within a year; and given the small percentage of men who are, or consider themselves Gentlemen, begs the question,  is the term Gentleman even used anymore? I have heard men called bitches frequently, but seldom is a man considered a gentleman anymore, which is sad.

A Gentleman should not be separated as something different than a Masculine man; In past decades James Bond, 007, could have once, passed as a Gentleman.  This change of attitude can be attributed to the bad rap Masculinity has been getting in the last decade, and thus to account for the separation and disappearance of Gentleman.

Oh, I’ve gotten ahead of myself, I started with New Year’s Resolution (NYR’s).

The reasons why many New Year’s Resolutions (NYR’s) fail come down to unconscious thinking of life as being broken down into segments and not as continuous living: it is not based on “a  continuous life – using living goals as a strategy.  In other words, It is not set-up in the person’s mind as something they are going to do for life, and thus to follow through on as a permanent life change outcome.

If understood and framed as a “Life change goal’ with defined small steps within a long-term process, not a short-term or once-a-year shot. Then that mindset shift changes from making New Year’s resolutions to creating lasting change throughout your life and will allow for unexpected accomplishments rather than the limited possibilities of a new year’s resolution.

Now as to this idea of Gentleman in the 21st Century, nobody really knows what that is going to look like. So let us address the elephant in the middle of the room, Masculinity in the 21st Century, yes, that is the hot topic at the turn of the 21st Century, and yes like New Year’s Resolutions, it is a decision every man will need to make as to how he will live his Masculinity.

Masculinity, like New Year’s Resolutions, If understood properly, has to be framed as a “Life change goal’ It has to be understood as a long-term process, not a short-term, once-a-year resolution. Masculinity is active, evolving, and changing, and for you to achieve your vision of it, on a personal level, will take small conscious steps to accomplish, and these will not be without challenges, culturally or otherwise.

“The superior man is he who develops, in harmonious proportions, his moral, intellectual and physical nature. This should be the end at which men of all classes should aim, and it is this only which constitutes real greatness.” - Douglas Jerrold.

It seems as males, we are plagued by the shifting cultural demands made by societies on Masculinity, and what is worse, we then have to hear the laments of societies, as to was it enough? too much? or too little?  Know that these questions and scenarios have stumped many of my fellow males and at one time myself as to how to behave, what actions to perform, and decisions to make.

The answers to those questions can be vast, confusing, and lead you into some murky depths,  depending on how and/or who you learned to be masculine from. Which is a very different question than what is my identity as a Masculine Male?

The problem — and even more so today — is that the responses wanted or required by culture/society diverges from the previous set of standards of behaviors, some of those standard set as far back as the 1950s. That divergence of masculinity has been widening ever since.  These changes go beyond being taught car maintenance, or love of football, or how and when to fight, or even how to tie a necktie? I wonder, will these even be issues in the 21st and 22nd Centuries?   

Thus, a question comes up what or how were you taught to be a “masculine male,” and now you as an adult, who and what does that mean, look like, or acts like to you?  For many males, those descriptors of the last century that described masculinity, are not the best fit, for how the masculine male wants to feel, be known as, or to operate from today.

It seems we are in unknown waters here, and the persons wanting to be identified as a person of the masculine gender and is looking for role models and masculine image figures, just might find only confusion based on societal norms offer, especially since these masculine roles are in transition.

We live an amalgamation, meaning; perceived character flaws and virtues of past decades of masculinity are sewn together like a patchwork quilt. This is good news for you because this amalgamation is up for evaluation and change.

Perhaps a better question here is what would you want to present to the world as your life and thus how  would your life be lived?

Thus, this conversation probes and dig into a discussion about society and ourselves, as to expectations about what is masculinity? What does that look like in real-time? and Why does it matter?

We want to look at it because we want to identify ourselves rather than having media telling us who we are, through online discussions, oftentimes giving a skewed picture of Masculinity called “toxic masculinity” i.e. pointing to the failures, shortcomings, and flaws of living out today’ version of masculinity. The content of these discussions are recounted stories of  mistreatment, or the scorn suffered at the hands of male lovers, friends, and family members, that when these stories are told, imply that “all” masculinity is “toxic masculinity.” We do not want to infer that the construct masculine is the portrayal, that all masculinity is toxic.

We do not want to confuse the word masculinity with its adjectives, or its’ modifiers… any of those words that follow masculine as being masculinity. What follows that word, only tries to explain a possible aspect of masculinity, not masculinity itself.

Let’s stop here for a moment and maybe reframe our subject matter. The actual issue, here is that no one has a clue as to what masculinity’s actual role will be. We’re able to point to traits, some considered at this time to be deplorable, and say they’re a form of “toxic masculinity,” yet by definition masculinity has to have its own set of characteristics.

Food for example — by definition —  food isn’t toxic. It only becomes so, if it is spoiled, that is infected with bacteria which would render it spoiled. 

If you know the concept food, and it purpose and function, then it does not become difficult to tell the difference between what’s nutritional support and what’s spoiled. If you did not know the concept food, then, every sort of food could be toxic.

Unfortunately, that seems to be the approach we have taken with the term masculinity. and — as stated — no one is talking about the defining traits or attributes of what masculinity is. We see it mostly in context revolving around topics like girls, cars, money, or gym workouts, which is rather silly.

Instead, we should be asking What traits which are timeless and not aged with societal whim and fancy can we use to describe masculinity.

Traits that can be used as a lens to look through for the timeless essence that represents masculinity, that we would want to emulate, masculinity at its best, and that with whom most would agree are the hallmarks of a good man or used to denote that phase “traits of a gentlemen.”

There is much to chew on with this article and to wrap your consciousness around. I would like for you to write out your definition of masculinity for yourself and how you want to out-picture it in your life, and how you would want to change or modify what that looks like?

I am not having you do this exercise from the standpoint of for good or bad but to understand that you are the ability to create, conceive and manifest in your world, because your real identity is wrapped up in the concept of conceiving words as much as the action of the word. that you are consciousness, the ability to think, plan, and execute ideas that will change you and your concept of the world.

Thus, as a male, you can choose how masculinity will be expressed in your world. If you identify as female how that masculinity will be perceived and accepted into your world. Hmm it seems we might be both if an action of stating and then conceiving an idea to come forth. Joking we are talking about states of consciousness, that may be under and back of all of this appearance But that is a discussion for another time.

It will be interesting what you come up with and the conclusion you come to about yourself. I would be interested in hearing about it

Aloha

Calvin.

Are You In The Moment by Calvin Harris H.W.,M.

Family gatherings and The Holiday Season seem to have us exhibit higher Tensions and stress levels. Emotions can flair.

Know that emotions are reactions to what may have happened to you rather than what is happening to you.  What you want to ask is “Are you letting emotions control your life?”

What comes next makes all the difference in your world. What comes next is your decision on your actions. Making decisions or taking action based on your emotions can result in a life driven by habits of reactions to circumstances rather than what’s possible...

What’s really possible for you, has infinite possibilities, available when you can stop, rethink and then listen to your intuition, or what I call The Unpredictable Good.

The unpredictable good comes to you when you can disassociate from past behaviors and emotions, and be focused on the present moment.

Allowing your greatest possibility to unfold effortlessly. IF you listen to and follow your intuition, rather than the emotions that come and go.

Understanding and learning to harness your feelings are the first steps on the journey to self-actualization. They are some of the keys to emotional intelligence.

Finally, understanding your ability to Feel, Rethink, and Apply Intuition is your birthright,  coming from who you indeed are, Consciousness, and your ability  to experience a more harmonious life, effortlessly in tune in the moment.

Contact me, when you are ready to journey towards your attuned life.

Take a small step...  Calvin Harris H.W.,M.  thothlearningcircle@gmail.com

Straight Men Having Sex With Each Other...is that a Question? By Calvin Harris H.W., M

Josef Thorak, 1937, Comrades

This blog is the by-product of increased media exposure on Sex Classifications, vs Gender Identification vs Sexual Orientation  and of course “Bromance”.  

Questions to me about “Bromance” began surfacing five years ago because of alleged stories that got out, tagging  me in alleged tryst with various straight men, over a 10-year span of time. I found myself in conversations and debates about the subject. That led to some readers  imploring… no, demanding… my thoughts and information on what I might know about ‘straight men’ sensuality, and sexuality.

I must admit, because of the nature of mens’ sensuality/sexuality, I have tried to steer clear of this conversation in blog forms. I felt a few lines on a page cannot give a comprehensive appraisal of the subject matter, nor the depth needed to establish legitimacy,  or to evaluate its potential for future generations, not even to give justice to its place in its historic past. Since the issue won’t rest and  with mounting pressure to speak on the subject, I will speak as  objectively as I can.

I begin by calling your attention to a Blog written for the prestigious - New York Magazine website called ‘The Cut ‘

The Cut is a blog site for hip readers who  proport to seek provocative takes on issues that matter from culture, politics, power, and relationships; I concede, that the Cut site also panders to the usual celebrity sightings and women’s  fashion trends.

In their AUG. 05, 2015 issue, under the heading of “Q&A” a blog title appeared -  “Why Straight Men Have Sex With Each Other”  which was written by Jesse Singal, as an excerpt  piece from a larger conversation between Singal and  Dr. Jane Ward. Jane Ward, an associate professor of women’s studies at the University of California, Riverside,  had authored the book “Not Gay : Sex Between Straight White Men”.  Dr. Ward, in her book claimed that beyond: “the fraternity and military hazing rituals, where new recruits are made to grab each other's penises and stick fingers up their fellow members' anuses;  there are online personal ads, where straight men seek other straight men to masturbate with; and, last but not least, the long and clandestine history of straight men frequenting public restrooms for sexual encounters with other men.” Jane Ward, suggests these sexual practices reveal a unique social space where straight white men can--and do--have sex with other straight white men; in fact, she argues, to do so reaffirms rather than challenges their gender and racial identity.

The Book and a term “bromance”, these past 20 years, kept popping up in song, seen on television, and at the movies,  it was even spotlighted in a 2007 high school’s humorously, awkward friendship movie, staring  Jonah Hill titled Superbad.

I believe bromances are not new, I find it was  more common and fluid before 1950 and before the introduction of twin beds, but that is a blog for another time. Bromances were especially prevalent during the war years  (WW1 and WW2) and was not considered homosexual at all, that is because there is a difference between sensuality and sexuality; between a manly embrace,  wanking off together, versus some  type of orifice penetration. Bromance contains more of an element of sensuality rather than sexuality.

I find that the majority of men identifying as straight cisgender males(straight) are those men that feel romantic desires towards women, but Cisgender relates specifically to gender rather than sexuality. A person can be considered cisgender (often abbreviated to just cis -straight) and can still be open to any sort of sexual couplings.

Cisgender males with the moniker of straight are usually connected to a  hetero-centric community which is the way they understand their masculinity. Thus the advantage of a  ‘Straight’ identification, in that community, for by its very nature it insures the man’s sexual identity will avoid discrimination. and if the off chance of  sex with another man occurred, it is treated as irrelevant to their identities. Thus bromances can occur without consequence.

Since 1950’s more and more of what would have been considered straight sensuality between men has fallen into the category of homosexual activity, creating a clear male from female gender divide in behaviors tolerated in the Western man and  Western woman in the U. S. Culture. The gauntlet had been laid down after WWII dealing with the divide between how Women and how Men after the war would define their sexual roles and mores in American life. Therefore, what would be tolerated culturally and who could dapple with their own sex had been restricted.  Under these Cultural constraints, a man’s sexual choice was conscripted to a fixed  monogamous, heterosexual, head of the household model.

Jane Ward references in her book, that “when heterosexual women make out with one another at a bar or party, it’s generally understood that they’re simply playing around for attention, or exploring the fluid space that is female sexuality.”  Versus  “when heterosexual men hook up with each other  it was seen as an act of desperation.”( due to lack of  access to female companions.)

When straight women hook up with other straight women, no real explanation is required; when straight men hook up with other straight men, it’s a different story.

The divide stems from a notion of female sexuality being more malleable, thus more inherently open to experimentation and variety, than the males.

In Ward’s book “Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men”,  she makes the case that this is a flawed understanding. Male sexuality sometimes labeled “homosexual contact” has been a regular feature of heterosexual life ever since the concepts of homo- and heterosexuality were first created —  She states “not just in prisons and frat houses and the military, but in biker gangs and even conservative suburban neighborhoods. Given how prevalent this behavior is in so many different sorts of settings, Ward suggest it’s time to stop explaining it away — and argues that society’s conception of male heterosexuality is an unrealistic, expedient one.”

Edward Casey. 1939, Stevedores Bathing Under The Brooklyn Bridge

I can remember as a youth, that if a man could reach the rank of being called a “Man’s Man”, there seemed to be permission for him to explore and break boundaries  and be looked up to for it.  It is with that attitude of manhood  that I suspect  Ward’s assumption that sex between straight white men allows them to leverage whiteness and masculinity to authenticate their heterosexuality in the context of sex with men. By understanding their same-sex sexual practice as meaningless, accidental, or even necessary, straight white men can perform homosexual contact in heterosexual ways.

These acts of sexuality  are not slippages into a gay way of being; no, they are more like a sensual expression of a desired but unarticulated identity for balance. We all contain  male and female attributes,  Ward argues, they reveal “the fluidity and complexity that characterizes all human sexual desire. In the end, Ward's analysis offers a new way to think about heterosexuality--not as the opposite or absence of homosexuality”.  I call it, its own unique mode of engaging in androgynous sensuality, a mode of behavior that Ward would say would be “characterized by pretense, dis-identification and racial and heterosexual privilege.”  In this new era of heterosexuality complexities in the modern era prevail.

There is new and on-going sexological and psychological research being done like Jane Ward’s.  This research suggests that men’s sexuality within long-held belief systems of  the term ‘ heterosexual’ desire as having been strictly hardwired impulses to spread their seed and thus being relatively inflexible to anything else will prove false.

So what happens when sexological and psychological research evidence is all pulled together? What might we glean about straight men’s Sexuality/Sensuality?

Will it be that the fundamental difference between men’s and women’s ‘sensuality’ is not accurate. That by combing the facts on  20th-century American  heterosexual sensual/sexual behavior, we would find dabblings in male on male sensual/sexual behaviors by straight-identified, single and married men?  That there will be evidence that such homo-erotic overtones took place within biker gangs, fraternities, male-only social clubs and societies,  as well as male -for - male free and sex-for- pay (flash for cash) encounters would not recreate a sexual misidentification for them.

These scenarios play out in more or lesser degree in all sorts of different situations and cultural contexts,  Evidence will show that this occurs without having the excuse of men being without women or in prison.

Men in the act of genital sensuality with another male is not because they are building a gay sexual union with another man, nor do they want one. The  language in that act may mean something different for the participants, perhaps an act of courage, or a ritual like a rite of passage, a celebration, as seen from sailors crossing the equator for the first time or of college students in a fraternity. Physical sensuality can be a release having no connection with gender identification at all.  

I hear it a lot  “Oh Yeah Sure” or,  “Oh, come on, I think these are really gay men who are posing as straight men.”  

What am I to say to that? Of course, there’s no way for me to verify everyone, If they say they are straight then they are straight. What I know of male sexuality/sensuality  is that many  men do identify as straight in their lives and have engaged in these activities.

It is clear to me that there is needed a new language or way to talk about men’s needs to express themselves with other men, sensually and physically, that is accepting of a man  keeping their heterosexual identity intact, when that’s the logic that applies.

Everyone has the right of choice of their gender and their expression of sexuality/sensuality, and that includes you.

Thank You

DURING THIS SPECIAL MONTH

We’d like to take this opportunity to wish you and your family a happy and Prosperous Year to come!

We’d also like to express our gratitude to you for being such an outstanding supporter of siteofcontact.net and our blogs. We genuinely appreciate your readership, loyalty & Friendship.

In the coming year, we will keep you posted

With events, podcast, and blog post, that we hope

Will Energize, Vitalize, and Empower You

Season’s Greetings

Moving Past New Year's Resolutions And Achieving Goals By Calvin Harris H. W., M.

We are in the Holiday Season, soon to have proclaimed the New Year.  What has been interesting about this year and The Covid-19 pandemic has been a windfall for many people.

It seems that for most of this year people have had the opportunity to indulge in retrospection and reevaluating of some of their life choices while in Covid-19 pandemic quarantine.  Retrospection and reevaluation type activities in the past had been reserved usually, for one day only,  the New Year’s Resolutions Day!

Of course, 80% of those New Year’s Resolutions had Failed by February.

What we find unique about this year, is due to Covid-19, we have had the ability to stay with those resolutions long enough to have some of them transformed into goals.  

The elusive New Year’s resolution this year as it were, has gone under the microscope, giving you a chance to realistically make a resolution into a goal. To give yourself time and room to formulate those resolutions from ideas into a plan. Let’s now talk about putting those ideas, those resolutions into ACTION in the coming year.

1. You Will Need To Decide And Commit To Making A Change

To have a New Year’s Resolution turn into a Goal does not come easy. You must be willing to change an aspect of your lifestyle that makes way for your Goal to be achieved. You will need a decision from yourself to change your mindset in order to  create a true change, and then a commitment to making it happen.

2. Make A Record Of  What You Want

There is a need to pay attention to your actions in pursuit of your Goals. Success of a Goal is more likely if you track your actions rather than merely resolving to change a behavior, by writing down your goal on paper or in a journal, because that physical act of writing something down in a notebook can help you keep focused on your Goal.

3. Clarify Why You Want this Goal

Your resolution, turned goal, might be about going into business for yourself, but why? Do you want more independence in your field? Getting crystal clear on what you want and having then documented it, is the best way to commit to making it happen, to achieving your goals. You will want to hone in on your goal once you have seen it in front of you. To clarify your reasoning for it - is it that you want more autonomy in how you do your work or spend your time, or want to make more money so you can better provide for yourself, or is it to achieve independence and financial freedom?

Understand that in your clarifying step you are not just dealing with your short-term results, but what is the true purpose of your goal. 

With that understanding of your Goals, you will have the courage to find a way to achieve it – even when things get challenging, you will be able to  make the incremental changes that cumulate in achieving your goal

4. Creating Certainty In Taking Action

You want to be strategic in your goal settings and actions because what you are really doing is identifying old or inoperable, or non-performing methods that you are operating  from (call them Habits), and you are going  to replace them with more attractive, satisfying, and effective methods of  doing things. That’s the key to success: to go from poor, underperforming habit systems to something that is incrementally achievable through dedication of conscious fly effort steps, that in the steps you build an ease in doing them; You must build into your plan some kind of recognizable enjoyment or pleasure by using the new process to make your change almost effortless. Your  strategic action plan must contain these features in both their immediate outcome and then found within your desired ultimate outcome or change. Author James Clears in his book “Atomic Habits” talks more about this subject of  how to build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones.  

What I am suggesting is that in  your mind, you prepare yourself so that you have no choice but to succeed – if achieving your goal becomes an absolute must – then you’ll be ready with the steps to do what it takes to get there, allowing for your excuses to go out the window.

5. Measure Your Progress

From Resolutions to goal to habit, to operating systems embodied in new forms of habits that provide  incremental achievable measured success, will require of you to sit down and prepare a list of important lifestyle changes you want to make and then tracking this progress is going to be key to success (I suggest a Personal Journal). For example, If your resolution is to be healthier, how will you measure it? Is it making a grocery list, buying the food, and preparing  a certain number of meals at home each week instead of buying prepackaged foods? Is it walking a block, then a mile, then three miles every day? A reasonable timeline for your goals progress must be set and adjusted, to measure your progress along the way.

6. Keep Going

Know that moving forward on your quest you will have challenges. You will need perseverance, especially in the beginning when faced with a setback, or if you feel that you’ve failed completely; my advice is to go deep within (if need be, reach out for support), but don’t give up. Keep Going  and ask yourself, What will it cost me if I don’t accomplish this goal? Will I be missing out on living the life that I have dreamed of?

In closing, don’t merely tie resolutions to a time of year. Start that process of  change anytime when you know a new outcome is needed, and you are committed to taking your resolutions into goals and finally into a reality. Learning to set and achieve goals is a great habit transformer, that few truly master in their lifetimes. Achieve what you want this year, and every year, by deciding to shift habit patterns and gain success in areas  that truly matter to YOU.

Exploring The Quality of Your Personal Time

THE QUALITY OF LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN LIFE ITSELF - ALEXIS CARREL

Self portrait by Alex Stoddard

Although the interest in the quality of our time has been challenged this year through our various forms of visual and print media, you should remember that your own psychological well-being depends more on your personal perspective than on the major societal events reported to you on the world’s stage.

Of course, we are all affected in one way or another by the problems caused by the pandemic and the upheavals associated with controversy over race, gender, and human rights issues. And yet it is our own personal vision that needs to stay focused and that will keep us balanced.

A vision does not have to be particularly grand. Above all, it should express something to do with your innate self and the quality of your own life.  Be carefully aware that your vision or goals are about you and not a comparison with others.  For example, you can decide to focus on your professional development, and/or on more relaxed relationships, and/or creative or spiritual developments, and/or on strategies for coping with everyday life, etc.  

Many people will set goals that are achievable but are not satisfying.  What you are looking for is balance in your life, which means finding a tools that will help you maintain a balance between your material life and that which gives you deeper meaning, those feelings of being part of a greater whole, or even something cosmic or divine in nature [some call that spirituality].

That is where good use of private time with yourself comes in, that space that you create to accept and allow yourself time to be present in contemplation. Use of the tools, Retrospection and Introspection, is where you come to know or understand what you feel about, or sense about something. This is where you gain material evidence in your thoughts, and acknowledge the clarity of understanding which you gain about a situation, person, or thing, this then becomes “knowing”, and that acts like intuitive and aligned guidance.

Your use of personal time in the practice of Retrospection and Introspection will allow for a gauge in the quality of your life. This allows for gauging your general well-being, by outlining negative and positive features of how you are living life. Your expectations of a good life can be gauged and determined by your authentic self. Then your expectations can be put in a context guided by the values, goals, and socio-cultural context in which you exist. Spending a portion of your personal time this way can reap big dividends in the quality and satisfaction of your life and how it is lived.