Are You Living A Life That Feels Like It Belongs To Somebody Else? - by Calvin Harris H. W. M.

‘Befuddled’ is the destination we get to when we attempt to persuade our head of something that we know in our soul is clearly false.

Excruciating and unpleasant are the feelings one carries when living falsely. The problem is you're concealing how you truly feel, or saying what you think others need to hear you say, while doing things you would really prefer not to do—on the grounds that you believe you should.

 If this is done often enough, we don't remember we're doing it. There is only the sensation of realizing we feel off, or something feels wrong, and we are oblivious to know how to transform it.

 You know it when you hear your inner voice say,  “I don’t play an active role in my life, stuff just happens, and  you feel – Oh, we are doing that now.”

 What is an oblivious person?

 One lacking the memory of one’s authentic self. Thus, lacking active conscious knowledge or awareness of what to, or how to, act on one’s own behalf.

It bodes well when we become awake enough to deal with the battle, within us, for consistency with our authentic self.

From our early training forward, we have been educated to be acceptable,  to conform, and try not to make waves—to turn down our volume, get in line, and stop our crying (or they'll give us something to cry about).

The majority of humanity has not had the chance to get educated or even acquainted with the authentic self, to be able to cultivate or follow their true interest. Day-to-day tasks devour our authority of what options we have or what these tasks mean to us. Our bodies grow anxious from extended periods of tasked situations with no examination, and our brains are overpowered with retained realities that rule out free reasoning, thus draining our feelings of being energized or satisfied inside ourselves.

Many people’s experiences are similar to my own growing up, within my teen and early twenties when I was living life as a chameleon. When I was acting within expected and accommodating behaviors and yet continually hoping to be seen demonstrating an authentic self that made a difference. Of course, that was not going to happen working from the playbook of life that had been handed me by my culture and education.

 I did not fully understand my own opinions nor options while being too busy choking out my psyche with fears and desensitizing my feelings to even a small portion of self-awareness that was trying to emerge.

I am a bit embarrassed to say, but it implied I had no clue about what I required. I just realized I didn't feel, see, or hear it. I felt like nobody truly knew me. And yet, how could they when I was not even acquainted with myself?

Looking back, I realize I'd gained ground after a major setback forced me to finally sit down with myself and consider my life. It is funny but who came to mind was Fred McFeely Rogers, aka Mr. Rogers.

He was an American television host, author, producer, and Presbyterian minister, who at the time was up against television portrayals of macho men, and hyper-masculinity images. Working from his authentic self, he created and produced a television show that portrayed a man, who could be nurturing, kind, and caring; that showed an alternative to how to be in the world. His targeted audience, the next generation of world citizens, the children, and his program was called Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.

This man was impactful to me on many levels, but at the time, what stood out was his words, in one of his books, that said:  "One can only earn trust through personal integrity.” I realized personal integrity had to start with me.

I had to ask myself: “If there were no restrictions, what would I do,  and who would I be?”

After about a year or so, and many attempts that brought up insignificant answers, which were really rundowns of flighty decisions to try and back up various faulty and illegitimate reasons I gave to continuing with already-in-place faulty conclusions. I finally began a conscious move to shift-shape from trying to satisfy others, to what is it that I truly wanted to do, to make a difference.

I had to think through not being an individual who panders to what is the prominent or a ‘what’s happening right now”  attitude. I realized I  preferred not to squander time attempting to being just adequate for another, as opposed to being outstanding doing what is right given my innate gifts and working from my authentic self.

A change started to happen as well when I stop allowing others to direct my decisions without contemplating the outcome.  I had to consider myself as the author of my thoughts, the ability to think and govern thought.  I needed to realize that my thoughts are what make up my actions, my principles, and create the terms upon which I live.  Giving me permission to choose what my freedom to decide is based upon.

This implied stripping away layers of dread and mold, to find that unalterable truth about myself and having it be consistent with what I did and accept as correct. I am Consciousness, the ability to think, research, weigh the evidence, and make decisions that will manifest in my material world.

Yes, no matter how hard or difficult it was to accept this unalterable truth, it had to be done for me to be set on solid ground. A foundation from which those bouts of occasional weighty indecision or fear are relieved with a straightforward understanding of the authentic self.

In the event that you likewise want to choose authentic genuineness over endorsement of looped-in-responses, then maybe this will be helpful to you as well.

What you may come to realize is that alignment with your authentic self  means that it sets the rule and will be consistent with how encounter  your life if:

You concede you are evolving consciousness, and that is to say, you are awake and mindful of your actions taking place, no matter whether that movement or action you fully understand or not; or that a task you have taken on is what you had expected; or a task that you declined doing because you could not do it and have respect from your inner voice.  It is a type of mental fortitude.

You permit yourself to evolve and relinquish what you've outgrown.

This is likely the hardest focus for being awake or mindful that there is since it's not just about being consistent with yourself; It is perceiving when something has run its course and is no longer of value to sufficiently move you to what is coming next.

What’s coming next can feel vacant like a void or it can likewise feel light and exciting That vacant space isn't generally something awful,  it’s just different, and consciously going with it proves favorable as a place for additional opportunities—for satisfaction, fervor, enthusiasm, and happiness.

 Consciously going with it, tweaking it, and adjusting it, you find yourself being keener on seeing how much more there is to you while experiencing your own personal breakthroughs. This is better than just moping about in an agreeable life that presently feels like somebody else's.

I’d be happy to find out what you discover.

-30-

Advanced Mentoring Workshop

Using Experience As A Source of Learning And Development

The Program is outlined as follows:

Advanced Mentoring Workshop

“Everything that happens to you is your Teacher. The secret is to sit at the feet of your own life and be taught by it.”

~ Gandhi

As organizations and businesses grow, their need for qualified Mentors grows, as does their need to develop the next generation of Mentors.

But that’s easier said than done, right?

What we see happening in many organizations and businesses is that they end up promoting people who are great at their current job but are unable to mentor others. The trouble then becomes attracting or developing top talented Mentors, which can cause an organization or company to end up with people that show gaps in mentorship abilities or other soft skills.

What is needed is clarity around, and a plan for, mentorship and leadership development. This starts with individuals.

Are you an individual wanting to step up to the call?

The Mentoring Workshop Can Help

-- This is How:

· In this 24-month training, you will get steps for, and guidance in, creating a Mentorship Development Pipeline

· When implementing these steps, you’ll be part of a group culture focused on growth and competence

· The Program’s success comes from an active process of small steps and “Fly efforts”

· The Mentoring Workshop provides a continuously supportive environment for every step along the way

· With this mentoring training program, you will grow in assuredness and have more self-awareness

Organizations grow through well trained, knowledgeable, and talented Mentors.

· Make a commitment to take your place alongside this select group of individuals – representing mentorship at its best

Be a Part of the Mentors’ Pipeline Next program set for 2024

More information to follow later this year 2023

Exploring The Quality of Your Personal Time

THE QUALITY OF LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN LIFE ITSELF - ALEXIS CARREL

Self portrait by Alex Stoddard

Although the interest in the quality of our time has been challenged this year through our various forms of visual and print media, you should remember that your own psychological well-being depends more on your personal perspective than on the major societal events reported to you on the world’s stage.

Of course, we are all affected in one way or another by the problems caused by the pandemic and the upheavals associated with controversy over race, gender, and human rights issues. And yet it is our own personal vision that needs to stay focused and that will keep us balanced.

A vision does not have to be particularly grand. Above all, it should express something to do with your innate self and the quality of your own life.  Be carefully aware that your vision or goals are about you and not a comparison with others.  For example, you can decide to focus on your professional development, and/or on more relaxed relationships, and/or creative or spiritual developments, and/or on strategies for coping with everyday life, etc.  

Many people will set goals that are achievable but are not satisfying.  What you are looking for is balance in your life, which means finding a tools that will help you maintain a balance between your material life and that which gives you deeper meaning, those feelings of being part of a greater whole, or even something cosmic or divine in nature [some call that spirituality].

That is where good use of private time with yourself comes in, that space that you create to accept and allow yourself time to be present in contemplation. Use of the tools, Retrospection and Introspection, is where you come to know or understand what you feel about, or sense about something. This is where you gain material evidence in your thoughts, and acknowledge the clarity of understanding which you gain about a situation, person, or thing, this then becomes “knowing”, and that acts like intuitive and aligned guidance.

Your use of personal time in the practice of Retrospection and Introspection will allow for a gauge in the quality of your life. This allows for gauging your general well-being, by outlining negative and positive features of how you are living life. Your expectations of a good life can be gauged and determined by your authentic self. Then your expectations can be put in a context guided by the values, goals, and socio-cultural context in which you exist. Spending a portion of your personal time this way can reap big dividends in the quality and satisfaction of your life and how it is lived.

‘Man Up’ - More About Change Rather Than More of the Same

By Calvin Harris

The Power of The Masculine Aspect

The masculine aspect of one’s nature gets a bad rap these days. This needs to be cleared up by those of us that have become enlightened on the subject of Gender Expression. You know that concept of one’s external expression of identified gender, through one’s attire, how they act and other factors, generally measured on the barometer scale between masculinity and femininity.

The fact is all humans, to a degree, exhibit mental and physical traits of both masculinity and femininity.

The phrase “Man Up'“ gets its power to become an insult when directed to people that are embodying it but are unsure of what the masculine end of the spectrum should be. They somehow believe Masculinity is an “achieved status” that needs to be continually proven.

Historically, “manhood” was achieved culturally by the 3-Ps ritual: provide, protect, and procreate, a ritual of going from puberty to adulthood which typically meant demonstrating a capacity to provide, protect, and procreate, or some combination thereof. It showed a delineation or shift in status from juvenile to adult. In looking at these words closely - ‘providing’, ‘protecting’, and ‘procreating’ - we can see that these words have a lot to do with the response of maintaining a family unit. 

In current day America and other post-industrial nations, these traits of providing, protecting, and procreating have also become a woman’s descriptor. We can see in homes today that the 3-Ps are a  shared responsibility of husband and wife, or partner and partner, and this masculine trait is more obvious in the female in the case of the single mother who is the sole supplier - providing, protecting and in some instances artificially procreating in the family.

Therefore, 3-Ps basic delineator as a masculine aspect of male adulthood is no longer the standard for masculinity and thus has been evolving within the last few decades.

Masculinity: It has become precarious, so much so that an insecure guy of the species feels he must have his masculinity proven, and if challenged this must be upheld with an immediate answer.

The Pieces of Masculinity

In order to prove - or defend - his masculinity, a guy needs to act in ways that will readily be recognized as masculine. But “readily recognized” behaviors are often enacted in archetypal stereotypes of masculinity, particularly aspects of masculinity such as violence (i.e., fighting), risk-taking (e.g., excessive alcohol consumption) and forms of hooking up and promiscuous sexuality (it does not matter the sexual orientation, just as long as he can hide his own feelings except for anger). Our guy holds conversations with friends that are sexist, misogynist, or homophobic, as long as these conversations serve his purpose of appearing masculine; these aspects of masculinity are sometimes labeled “hypermasculinity” or “hostile masculinity” on the gender scales.

Within the last few decades, Masculinity has taken on new definitions and rituals that are more positive and self-sustaining to the person and his community. Action words highlight leadership, decisiveness, intelligence, perseverance, and problem-solving. Measures assess these aspects of masculinity and encourage the revealing of authenticity within the Masculine dynamic.

“What it means to be a man varies with ethnicity, nationality, age, and generational cohorts, as we move through life stages.”

Cultural men’s groups within the U.S., have added to the conversation:  African American male groups have added to their definitions on masculine identity with such terms as responsibility and accountability, autonomy, respect, and spirituality as important components of masculinity. Latino-American men’s groups include concepts such as familismo (family), personalismo (personality), simpatia (cordiality), and respeto (respect). Similar themes, I am sure can be identified in other multinational studies, with participants identifying the primary components of masculinity as being a man of honor, being in control of one’s own life, having the respect of friends, having a good job and coping with problems on your own.

These are the new watchwords when you find yourself being asked to ‘Man Up.’ Yes, it is more about the change of perspective rather than more of the same.

Where to Go From Here

By utilizing an investigation of your own comfort level with your masculinity through your interactions with others, this should give you the ability to examine what these power dynamics mean to you. How comfortable you are with these new definitions is inherent in your words and actions. This is a way to educate yourself about the various potential meanings of masculinity, and for you to come up with an understanding of masculinity that embodies your authenticity. Give yourself the space for decisions to create beneficial social interactions and habits – so that they create an outcome that you can honor.

The Focus Is Sustainability

Focus for Sustainable Success

Focus Your Energy for  Sustainability

by Calvin Harris H.W., M.

Well the holiday season is over and the New Year’s resolutions have been written. But before you put those plans into action I would like for you to consider the following information and then maybe review what you wrote,  you may find from this story some useful tips for your strategy to accomplished your resolutions.

 I was reminded in an article by James Clear,  a well know author,  and fellow life coach, that in 1996, Southwest Airlines was faced with a weighty decision.

It was in the 1980’s that Southwest Airlines  had strategically transformed itself  from being a small regional carrier to one with a more national presence.  Note that this was a  time that many airline companies were losing money or going belly-up.  Southwest as a result, was in demand, so much so that more than 100 cities were calling for Southwest to expand service to their location.

Southwest had a decision to make. It answer was to turned down over 95% of the offers and streamlined service to  just 4 new locations in 1996. A significant number of offers  were left on the table.

Their reasoning for turning down so much business is explained in Jim Collins  book Great by Choice,  he claims that a secrets to Southwest's success was its willingness, of company executives, to set what is called an upper bound limit for growth.

What Is Upper Bound Limits ?

Understanding ups and downs in a business is important, thus looking at Southwest beginning in the 1970’s, and for nearly 30 years thereafter,  Southwest was the only airline company that made consecutive profits each year.

Southwest grew It’s business incrementally each year, for the executives of the company choose  a pace of growth that they could sustain,  while maintaining the airlines culture and profitability. This is called a upper bound limit for growth.

This is an approach that has been applied to many goals, both business and otherwise. It tends to be used by most people but it is inverted, or starting from the opposite direction, or what can be called starting from a lower bound limited.  Example of how we hear it used or experienced is :

• An individual might say, “I want to lose at least 10 pounds this month.”

• A Businessperson might say, “I want to get at least 5 projects done and off my desk each day.”

• A writer might say, “I want to write at least 500 word each day.”

• The get-in-shape guy or gal, might say, “I want to be at the gym at least 3 times a week.”

The focus is only on the lower bound limits: the minimum threshold.  Yet that implied assumption is, “If you can do more than the minimum, go for it.” So what happens? We are going for it, all out, usually in a unsustainable manner that does not allow us to maintain our pace over time at the current rate or nor increase our levels over time.

Now, the obverse, which is turning that over, were we work from the upper bound limits of our goals and behaviors would look more like this:

• “I want to lose at least 10 pounds this month, but not more than 15.”

• “I want to have at least 5 projects done today, but not more than 10.”

• “I want to write at least 500 words today, but not more than 1,000.”

• “I want to be at the gym least 3 times a week, but not more than 5.”

What you are creating using the upper bound limits in your life planing, is what can seem like a magical zone of long-term growth: Where you are pushing enough to make progress, but not so much that it is unsustainable.

A Safety Margin for Growth

We can all agree, the lower limit is important, yet the upper limit can be critical.  The diagram provided by James Clear shows finding that zone that allow for  growth in a mid-range that is just slow enough to be  methodically sustain without burnout or injury to progress. Being too aggressive in pursuit of growth  could have you quickly hitting a plateau, damage or burnout.

Strategically adding a Margin for Growth to your resolutions will avoid going too fast and helping you stay on track to success within that margin of growth.

This is all about the power to succeed.  Your setting an upper limit allows you an easier way to sustain your progress. And the power to consciously observe your behavior and habits to move progress forward and to attain success of your real goals.

 The Take- Away

When you are ready,  look again at your resolutions,  check it to see if you have set bounds? Is there just a lower bound limit?  This year for a better chance of success, lets simply add - Upper bound limits - as a focus drive to your plan of action and then slowly increase your output.

Say you want to be the gym person and start working out. Most people would focus on the lower bound limit and say, “I have to start exercising for at least 30 minutes a day and go on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.”

Instead, you could start with your upper bound limit and say, “I am not allowed to exercise for more than 5 minutes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

This may seem like an over the top example but by setting an incredibly easy upper limit, you are creating a habit,  a process of getting up and going to the gym. by building that sustaining behavior of consistently going to the gym then makes the next component easier to achieve.  Now once you’ve establish the routine over and over again, you can raise the time limit as much as needed for success.

You are achieving small progress every day, fly efforts, rather than doing as much as humanly possible in one day and then quitting. Our focus is sustainability, Consciously creating habits for success by doing things you can sustain.

Tools for the Self Directed Life

Signs You Are Consciously Living

by Calvin Harris H. W., M.

 

Every moment of every day, we can strive to be vibrant, our best, and most loving to ourselves and others

Yes, we at Site of Contact want you to care about your success (whatever success may mean to you), we encourage your learning, your progress, your training (at whatever level is best for you) and we want you to realize the potential within you. BUT your success focus should not be to the extent that it sacrifices your sense of well-being, balance and happiness because compulsions are driving you.

 A sign of balance disruption is energy displacement. Stated differently, how the connection between muscular tension in the body causes bodily malfunction or non-functions. This can range from a simply feeling of out of sorts, to bad behavior, all the way to chronic illness. This somatic malfunction of the nervous systems is caused in part due to where conscious attention or lack of it is focused.

The nervous system is approximately 85% a visceral, non-thinking, non-conscious intelligence of our bodies. It regulates breathing for us or does digestion, or waste removal, (to name a few of its function). Yet to be complete, that is somatically whole in its effectiveness, we need to be consciously grounded. In computer terms, I am suggesting that our 3-dimensional Beingness runs as a hybrid data system of Body and Mind. The beauty of it is when the simplicity of physical functions running at its best are properly integrated with components of Conscious awareness.

Your internal and external data sources are more aligned as a hybrid operating system than you suspect. It enables seamless access, sharing and analysis of all types of perceived data, followed by combinations of action deployment based on memory tapes running and updating all the time. Its reliability is based on upgrades to its storage units. This hybrid combination allows for the storage unit to gain insights like understanding your reactions in social situations that may be random or different than what was experienced in the past and allows for alternative outcomes such as empathy followed by supportive social engagement rather than anger and rage.

This Hybrid integration of Somatic data management simply stated is your capability to engage with your world in a range of new situations that goes beyond your historic way of doing things, that yield to you new insights and vitality in life - you could call it a joy of living.

With that in mind, siteofcontact.net. suggest this simple philosophy: To create understanding in all of your relationships, start first with yourself.

A key tool to begin this process, is to keep a journal: It could be electronic or handwritten, that's your choice. What it should entail is data, call it your reflection upon issues, emotions, situations that will show you signs of where you concentrate your energy and that could signal for you areas where displacement energy is being put.

Additionally, journaling can help you discover the fun or humor in the strangest of circumstances, even in the mundane tasks you come across daily. So, if you are going to be driven, decide to be driven by your potential for awareness in control of habits and active choices that you choose to internalize

Your Journal can be a resource and a benefit when:

• You take time to reflect and review your activities, in such a way to allow your brain the chance to assemble and create order amidst what appears as chaos.

•   You can gain insights parlayed into new habits, learned from observations and your experiences.

• You can be less reactive, and more proactive in response that is more positive and self-confident though your discoveries and insights.

You could call this process of writing a type of “wet computer (brain) download”.

A suggestion, if this is a first-time journaling experience for you, then pick a time to do it when there are few if any distractions, and it is not a hectic nor stressful time of day. Some like to do it in the evening, when their reflections and insights seem to cleanse and empty their heads before bed. Others make time for reflection in the morning, as a way of cleaning their slate in preparation for a clearer sense of direction in their day.

As a bonus one builds a stronger relationship with oneself, without outside judgment or opinions to screen or hide one from their essential core. Some claim that improvements increase when one can find and practice gratitude for what they have discovered as a positive element or configuration in their life.

What I find helpful for beginners is for them not to try and use it as a grocery list of events that happened that day. But do journal on a regular basis. Look for what you consider to be relevant: situations that stand out, or are decisive, or momentous, or where you caught yourself in repetitious non-beneficial behaviors or thoughts; or where you are critical or pressing; notations of events having far-reaching effects, or that things have become urgent

You may find it helpful not to use journal pages that have preprinted calendar date pages: This eliminates you from pressures to have to write daily. Instead, you have the freedom and leisure to write when you choose. Like everything else it takes practice to create good habits. Journaling will take finding and instituting a new routine or habit for yourself that incorporates consistent times and place for journaling that gives you a sense of accomplishment and success.

The important thing is to have fun journaling and with what you discover about Living Consciously. Benefits may show up as:

More observing Less judging

More responding Less reaction

More clarity Less self -sabotage

More engaged Less restriction

More self-Love Less fear

More boundaries Less other’s chaos

More trust Less resentment

More inner peace Less dung

What changes is consciously not having the compulsions and reactions to people and things. Journaling becomes a means of reflection, rest, and recovery. When the progress made with journaling becomes knowing your essential self, that then enables supportive constructive social engagement with others.

Having an ongoing relationship with yourself creates an alignment with life. Remember life is about balance, being content, but never to stop growing, and learning. It's about fulfilling the need to add fun and discovery into each day along the way.

More advance techniques and practices are available through the Prosperos School of Ontology, email me Calvin at ialchemy1@gmail.com, for more details or if you have questions.

I close with a favorite quote from a character in the book ‘Auntie Mame’ by Patrick Dennis who says, "Live, Live, Live! Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" 

Aloha

Calvin